Start at the center

I took some time away from the internet, and now I'm back. I realized that I was spending too much idle time on the web. There are always productive things that I could/should be doing, so I decided to spend some time on me.

I wanted this blog to be a place where black women and girls can discuss our experiences in a manner that positively affects our self-esteem and standard of beauty, in light of the marginization that we face as a double-minority. But I realized that I was afraid to blog about that. I realized that I felt I wasn't an authority on self-esteem, so how could I have something positive to say? Then I realized that not only do I have alot to say, but I also have experiences that make me an expert on my self-esteem.

Self-esteem is such a many-layered thing. Like an onion, peeling back those layers can be bitter, can make you cry, can bring out unaddressed pain. But in the end, if we want to be happy, healthy, successful women, we have to peel back those layers that protect our self-esteem and see it for what it truly is.


So what is self-esteem, really? At its most basic, self-esteem is the regard we hold for ourselves. Its how we view ourselves based on feedback we've received from our experiences. Its easy to say "I have high self-esteem" without actually knowing what your self-esteem really is. Or, more frequently, we may have a high self-esteem in one area, such as intelligence, appearance, or sexual prowess (hey, I'm being honest...) but not in others. So how do you peel back those layers, and examine what your real self-esteem is?

For me, I had to start at the center. I had to define what it meant to be me. Not what my mama thinks, my friends or colleagues think, and not what my performance review at work reflects. What really makes me who I am, a unique being from the next sista walking down the street? When I could quiet the voice of the irrational critic (we all have that voice.. it may sound like your parents, a teacher, a significant other or someone you've never met.. but its there) and really look at myself objectively, then I could begin to understand how I regarded myself. And at first it wasn't easy. During the process of getting to know me, I realized that I was a different person than the one I assumed I was. My likes and dislikes had changed.. my goals, talents, strengths and weaknesses were different than they were just a few years ago. And, most importantly, I realized that some of the things that I held as important, simply weren't that important anymore. But at the same time, it was exciting to learn all of these things. Like getting to know a new friend, knowing that this friend will be the closest one you'll ever have.

Defining who you are definitely takes work. But I believe its the first step in building a strong and unshakable self-esteem. Once you know who you are, then you can work on being the person you really want to be, if you're not already there. And, hopefully, you'll see that you're closer to that ideal image than you've previously given yourself credit for. Overall, in order to withstand attacks from without - attacks on our race, our gender, our bodies, our religious views, heck, even our hair - you have to acknowledge your core and strengthen who you are within. It all starts at the center.