Webbie - IndependentUh huh. Then there's the Ne-Yo/Jamie Foxx version:She'll Buy Her Own I Dont Think She 'll Never Look
In A Man Face Standin Waitin For Him To Take Care Of Her
She'll Rather Go To Work And Pay The Bills On Schedule
She Got Her Own House
Drive Her Own Whip
Range Rover All White Like Her Toe Tips
She Got A Pretty Smile
Smell Real Good
The Only Time She Need A Man For That Good Jugg
They Buy The Bar Too
They Superstars Too
They Be Like You Aint Got No Money Take You Broke Tail Home
Baby Phat They On
They Clothes Match They Phone
They Be Like Yea!! When They Song Come On
Leave The Club Kinda Early Cuz They Gotta Go To Work
I Mess Wit Supervisors Who Got Credit Like Big Turk
So Dusty Feet Please Dont Bother Me
I Got Independent Dimes On My Mind Who Spoil Me
I love her cause she got her own
She don't need mine, so she leave mine
alone
There ain't nothing that's more sexy
Than a girl that want but
don't need me (oh!)
Young independent, yea she work hard
But you can't
tell from the way that she walk
She don't slow down 'cause she ain't got
time
To be complaining, shawty gone shine
She don't expect
nothing from no guy
She plays aggressive, but she still shy
But
you never know her softer side
By lookin' in her eyes....
Knowin' she
can do for herself
Makes me wanna give her my wealth
Only kinda girl I
want
Independent queen workin' for her throne
I love her cause she got
her own...
She got her own
I love her cause she got her own
She got
her own
I love it when she say
It's cool I got
it, I got it, I got it
.....
When shorty come around they call
her "I got it"
She won't even let you put your hands in your
.....
And now she wit Loso,
'Case you didn't know so
You can save your money dawg shorty getting dough so
What she care wit his cars, you can call her miss boss
.....
Now all
my ladies that dont need a man for nothing, except some of that good
lovin let me here you sayoooo oooo oooo oooo
My interpretation of these lyrics, in both songs, are that: independent women are expected to handle their burdens with pride and in silence. Don't complain, girl, 'cos you're independent! Independent women are expected to handle everything on their own, be responsible, and not allow others to help them. But what disturbed me about these songs was how men absolved themselves of financial responsibility where independent women are concerned. Its as if they're saying "you're independent, you don't need my money so I'm not supporting you."
I guess that's ok, if taken in the context that men want to avoid gold diggers. But women want to avoid gold diggers also! Especially with the state of black America being what it is - where there are more educated women than men, and in our time of financial turmoil, a high rate of unemployment. I'm not enthused by the idea of women supporting men. And we all probably know a woman who supports the good-for-nothing in her life; she works 2 jobs, cooks, cleans, etc, while he takes advantage of the situation and does nothing. To me, these songs support that situation. These songs are saying, the only reason an independent woman now needs a man is for that "good jug", that "good lovin". Are we really saying that women who earn a good living don't need more than financial stability? That the money they possess makes up for the love, companionship and camaraderie they receive from men? That, ultimately, women who are not independent will receive financial support because they don't have their own? Because they're not as hardworking?
Do you remember several years back when independent women were frowned upon? When the assumption was, independent women didn't need or want men? I feel that the result of women latching onto that mantle is the resultant "only need a man for that good jug" attitude. I won't go so far as saying we've cursed ourselves, but that image is one that's hard to shake. And, I'll admit, a tempting one to have latched onto, if you were a woman who had to have her own, because there wasn't a man in your life to lean on. Now, however, the problem is that, those independent women who don't need money but are looking for commitment from men are kinda stuck. How do you maintain your independence yet be vulnerable at the same time? Not vulnerable in a weak sense, but in a very human, emotional sense. That's a difficult question and as one of those independent women, I don't have an answer. What I do know is that songs like this don't help. You may think I've read too much into the lyrics, that I'm taking things too seriously. But isn't that how images are formed? By assumptions about people being accepted as true? The problem of Miss Independent is definitely real.
15 comments:
I totally agree. I have problems with these songs too for the very reasons you listed. It's not cool to take care of a man. Not cool at all. Men are singing these songs now, and I'm sure there are many women telling them to put their money away or some other brainwashed junk.
I'm independent in the sense that I work and I don't have to ask my husband to buy me anything...it's our money and I make plenty of it...but best believe I lean on him everyday. I have to. I DO need him. I need to see him getting up every morning going to work (it turns me on); I need to see him reaching in his wallet at the grocery store sometimes (it's our money, but it looks so good TO ME when he pays); I need him to open the door for me; I need him to open tight jars for me; I need him to change the oil and wash the cars; I need him to treat me like a princess, and yes, I do need that good jug too, but that's just icing on the cake. It damn sure aint THE CAKE.
He needs me, too. You can be strong and independent and still need/want each other. I actually find more strength in being a woman in every sense of the word: vulnerable, capable, strong, sensitive, loving, supportive, etc. Men love to be needed and there is nothing wrong when you need them! We are made to join together and support one another... men and women. We seem to have forgotten that whole concept... or we are trying to pretend it doesn't exist.
Attitudes like this is the reason why I stopped dating black men.
I agree with Smokie.
I am an independent woman, but in that I still need my man..I love needing him. Am I needy? No. If he wasn't in my life I could handle it (my father taught me how to do that), but it is wonderful to have my man for all the things that Smokie mentioned. Wives/women hold more power than they think, but using it positively is the challenge.
Anonymous, so only black men have these characteristics and thoughts? Rhetorical.
THANK YOU ladies for your replies! Sometimes, as a single woman, I feel caught between proclaiming my independence and not appearing to be needy because I want a man in my life. Even though I know its ridiculous, sometimes its hard to drown out the voices of others who equate independence to doing it all on your own and not wanting others to emotionally, financially, physically share your life.
I actually have been thinking about this a lot lately. I went on a date the other day at a coffee shop. He didn't buy my $1.50 cup of coffee, didn't hold the door, let me walk in the dark to my car by myself, and when I asked if I'd see him later, he acted like he had an attitude! Mind you ... We had been having two hour long conversations for weeks after we initially met and decided we were interested in each other. Overall his behavior was not gentlemanly, and therefore to me, unmanly. I LIKE to be treated like a woman, like a lady. I know I can handle all of these things by myself, but that is not the point. Once I explained it as, "I can be strong if I have to be, but I don't want to be, I want a man to lean on."
And if men are just for sex ... Can't women just replace them with toys? Is that what black women and black men have become to each other? Sex? Point blank ... Period?
Hey Anonymous, I feel you. I've been there too on a date like that (in fact, I blogged about it not that long ago). It leaves you wondering if you were lacking and why you received that kind of treatment. That's not about you at all, but, like you said, a man that wasn't a gentleman.
Honestly, that's where things have gone between black women and black men. But if you've read some of my previous posts, you'll see that I don't think we should limit ourselves to just black men anyway. Its all a numbers game, and with ratios not being in our favor and all, plus the fact that 70% of us are not married, why search and search for a black man when there are eligible men of other races who know how to treat women?
You're too valuable not to be treated like the prize you are.
Usually when a black man expects you to do everything, he was raised by a single mother (who did everything) and he's attempting to replicate that relationship. That's why I never date black men who were raised without a father in the household.
Usually when a black man expects you to do everything, he was raised by a single mother (who did everything) and he's attempting to replicate that relationship.
False.
My husband of 14 years was raised by a single mother. He helped her better than her two daughters. He kept the house clean, himself together, thrived on his education, and understood the importance of earning his money.
My husband treats me and our two daughters like the queen and princesses that we are. Till this day my husband takes care of the home, an awesome cook, and still provides.
Black men shouldn't date women who did not have a black father present in the home. Because of thoughts like this.
Its all a numbers game, and with ratios not being in our favor and all, plus the fact that 70% of us are not married, why search and search for a black man when there are eligible men of other races who know how to treat women?
Hmmm...Statistics. Statistics. Statistics.
Here's one. A large percentage of other races of men do not desire to have a black woman. They prefer their own. This percentage would not mine sleeping with a black woman from time to time. So what is a black woman to do?
Go into any other culture (besides white) and you will find that the woman still has to do most of the work. She complains. She wants to be liberated. They also feel that their men are the "worse". Some feel like there are good men of their race.
Thing is, alot of black men wouldn't mind sleeping with us either and leaving us with all the work AND children.
I look at it like this: not every black man who wants commitment is gonna want me. Not every nonblack man who wants commitment is gonna want me. Instead of limiting myself to just one pool, that has more female fish than male fish wanting marriage, commitment, family etc - why don't I give myself access to a larger pool. True, all the fish there don't want me, but there are more fish period. Instead of being chosen by 10 black men fish who are attracted to me, why not improve my odds to 10 black men fish and 4 nonblack men fish?
I know there are some black women who would not ever consider a white man, just because he's white. I was never in that group. I didn't pay white men any attention because I thought they didn't like black women (yes, I had that broad blanket notion about all white men). What changed my mind was that I saw for myself that they did. When I stopped limiting myself to only things that 'black people did', and started following my own desires, I saw that attraction across the races is a different story. (And it might also be a function of where I live.)
My ex boyfriend recently got engaged. We got into a discussion about our friends and family that were getting married. He stated "things don't look that great for black women". There are some men who use that perception to prey on our desires. I find, in my own experiences, that black men are likely to do this because in most instances they can. Because they know we're not going anywhere, we're sitting around waiting for black men to choose us. That we'll lower our standards, 'give a brotha a chance', and put up with BS so we won't be lonely and in that perpetually single boat. No one is sitting around waiting for me, and I'm not sitting around waitin for anyone either.
No one is sitting around waiting for me, and I'm not sitting around waitin for anyone either.
And you shouldn't. I do hope you fine what you desire, want, and need.
Thank you, I do too! (lol) And that's my sincere hope for all of us, you know? That we live happy, prosperous lives full of love. I know every black woman doesn't want to get married.. but there are alot of us who do. And hopefully, by us discussing the singleness issue, we can discover the reason why we individually are still here and do something about it (if we so choose).
False.
My husband of 14 years was raised by a single mother. He helped her better than her two daughters. He kept the house clean, himself together, thrived on his education, and understood the importance of earning his money.
____________________________
Smells good, then your husband is a rarity. Lucky you! I find my original statements to be true most of the time. BM and BW raised in two-parent households often don't have the same mindset of those from single parent households.
There are some men who use that perception to prey on our desires. I find, in my own experiences, that black men are likely to do this because in most instances they can.
_______________________
Sad and true, Prose. I think whatever choice a BW makes, she loses. If she has standards and doesn't settle, she'll spend many years alone. If she takes any man to ward off loneliness, she may feel even worse.
I'll never forget hearing Shaharazd ali (excuse my spelling) speaking on her book the black womans guide to the black man and she made a very good point that i agree with. She said that
1. Sexual intrest in a man/woman is the basest of all intrest. there is no real connection and doesn't take intellect or getting to know someone to stimulate or cause sexual arousal.
2.Being independent is fine but it usually (in single women especially)if you go on with the attitude that you can pay your own bills buy your own groceries drive your own car ect. and really don't need anyone it will lead to lonliness, lesbianism ect. because you tend to believe that you would not need a man other than to just provide your more carnal needs.
3. as BW we have made money the one thing that is often lacking with our brothers the main requirement to establish a relationship. if a man does not have money he is not worth your time and these men singing such songs are now seeming to say the same. material things have nothing to do with maintaining and sustaining a healthy loving friendly relationship between someone and anyone who thinks otherwise probably deserves to be alone.
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