Not trying to inundate y'all with this subject, but...

I had a blog on Wordpress about a year ago, where I discussed interracial dating. I posted a reply over on Brownsugar's blog, and saw that my pic came up. Then I remembered the old blog.

Here was my last blog post, "Are HBCUs a disservice to BW dating out?":

I, along with hundreds of thousands of BW across the country, attended an HBCU for college (Florida A&M). My college years were some of the most fun and carefree of my life. Along with the parties, observing Greek life, and collegial atmosphere, it was expected that most of us would go on and accomplish Great Things (i.e., jobs in middle management.. the BC aims so high *sarcasm*). One of the things I was reflecting on the other day is that we pretty much accepted the 8:1 female-to-male ratio at the time of my matriculation. I mean, there's really no way to protest against that or make the situation better.

Some of the 'normal' treatment we received was that the 'desirable' men, in high-income majors such as the 5-yr MBA program, 5-yr Pharm-D program, engineering or architecture, only went for the light-bright sistahs who were in sororities. I'm not knocking any woman based on her skin tone or her accomplishments. It just stings to know that you were viewed as less desirable if you didn't possess those attributes. Some of the other women who were viewed as 'all that' were the affluent girls... those who wore designer clothes, drove luxury cars and lived in expensive apartments that their parents payed for. I, on the other hand, was the child of a trade-school educated mother and an immigrant father... my family is very proud that I was the first to attend college. It was a feat that I even stepped on campus. Needless to say, I couldn't compete with that crowd. So in a lot of ways, my college years were spent marginalized as not rich enough, not fly enough, and not visible enough.

So after experiencing that (and sitting alongside some of those same folks in alumni association meetings.. oh the irony!), its bitterly hilarious to me when those same types of men and women argue that there are indeed 'good' black men around. They were around then, and they aren't around now - those that are marriage-minded, married the sorority girls or girls whose fathers were dentists. And again, there's a significant population of black women who feel that we are marginalized.

While the realization that wm/non-bm are attracted to bw, I'm not seeing that result in my everyday interactions (yet) [at that time I had only been on one date with a non-bm]. And as I peruse the pages of RattlerRoundup.com, I can see that the majority of my fellow alumni women are still single. I wonder how many are waiting for their IBM? How many are wondering if he'll ever come? I have yet to see any women with pics of their non-bm husbands on that site... and there are at least 4,500 members as of this morning. Granted, I haven't seen all of the pics... but I check it frequently (I love social networking sites). And you'd think with all of the women who are pharmacists, attorneys, entrepreneurs, doctors and dentists, that there'd be SOME sistahs who decided to exercise their options... but none so far as I can tell.

The only justification I've found for this is that the HBCU environment is one that fosters loyalty to the black community [and it should, because of its purpose and role in black American history, this post wasn't a negation of that]. Its where you first learn, if you haven't already learned, the rich cultural history of Black people in America. Its where some women learn the beauty of their own brown skin, their own kinky-coily hair. Its where you learn the virtues of sisterhood, service to the community and scholarship. But unfortunately its also where you learn false doctrines like 'nothing but a bm', and other notions like wm don't find you attractive and such high-striving women should settle for the guys who cut class, smoke weed and play video games all day, for the sake of having a piece of bm.

One other side effect of attending an HBCU is that you are culturally ignorant of other racial groups. The only Muslims you see are black and probably from your old neighborhood. Even though FSU was a hop, skip and jump away, it might as well have been in another world altogether. It was pretty much understood that we stayed on our campus and they stayed on theirs. None of my friends from HS who attended FSU dated out. And the only FSU students we ever saw were black students who came to hang out on our 'Set' on Fridays for the block party atmosphere. To this day, I'm struggling to learn what white middle class culture is like, since I have no white friends and only one young white coworker. But I'm getting there. Even if I weren't trying to date inter-racially, this is something I'd do anyway. After 27 years of living in a shell, I feel like I'm bustin' loose.

If I sound kinda bitter, its b/c I kinda am... I didn't reckon such lessons would come with my tuition. Its taken a while to overcome this kind of thinking. I'm just glad I'm now on the outside looking in.

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So I log in to delete the blog, and I see this comment that I hadn't seen until now:

Name: pipe u dummies on
response: you are plagued by self hatred. Whites and people who traditionally have 'old money' passed down through generations don't practice such nonsense as we ourselves, black people, do in this country. You didn't have enough sex in school with strange people you just met and got drunk with. You are uptight an mad at those light skinned women who maybe wore tighter clothes and were just as equally beautiful as yourself. No one told you about your curves enough sweety. It sounds like if they did though, you prudishly took it as an insult rather than a pass to get humped. See me and my guys used to prey on chics like you in my school days. You were one we would strive to 'turn out'. Everyone knows the black MALE is the most sought after because of our love making performances. Your lack of free love has left you very bitter indeed. I myself have made love to women of all races and creeds. I'm disgusted by your stereotypes and misconceptions. "Love is Love" kid. (oh yeah I learned that cliché at my Hbcu)

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I was a bit surprised, one because I hadn't expected any comments, and two because it was just ignorant. I guess I shouldn't continue to spread the ignorance, but...*shrugs*

This is my response:

you are plagued by self hatred.

Wrong. I've worked very hard to love myself as much as I do, in a society that constantly tells women who look like me that our only value is as an extra in a BET Uncut video. I know exactly who I am and why I'm valuable.

Whites and people who traditionally have 'old money' passed down through generations don't practice such nonsense as we ourselves, black people, do in this country.

I don't really see how this is relevant to anything I've said. Heck, most white/nonblack people don't belong to old-money families. Further, he goes on to list the 'nonsense' that he himself practiced in college and continues to practice. What further annoys me is that on blogs that discuss IR relationships, there's always a response that starts with a history lesson. I just listed how HBCUs cultivate a strong sense of history... so why do I need the history lesson again?

You didn't have enough sex in school with strange people you just met and got drunk with. You are uptight an mad at those light skinned women who maybe wore tighter clothes and were just as equally beautiful as yourself. No one told you about your curves enough sweety. It sounds like if they did though, you prudishly took it as an insult rather than a pass to get humped.

Ok, so, if I didn't get banged by random dudes, just because they called me cute or made comments about my ass, I missed out. Why is 'sex in school with strange people you just met and got drunk with' appealing? Even as a young, dumb 20-yr old I didn't find this appealing. Not because I'm remotely prudish, but there are things called STDs, when last I checked, black women in my age group are disproportionatley suffering from HIV. Way to promote that self-love, spread the brown around... and if I don't, and don't wear tight clothes while doing so, I'm uptight. Yeah, ok buddy. I didn't mention anything about curves, so I don't see how he read I was insulted by reference to them. And I don't know what school he attended, but everyone who wanted to got laid in college. The big girls, the nerds, the brown-and-studious girls, we all got it in if we felt so inclined. I guess he equated my desire for companionship to a yearning for an orgasm.

Maybe I'm biased, but I didn't intend my words to be an indictment of light-skinned women. They have their problems too, and my issue was about HBCUS fostering a cultural vaccuum that its hard, in my post-collegiate years, to move beyond intentionally.

See me and my guys used to prey on chics like you in my school days. You were one we would strive to 'turn out'.

Because I'm an attractive woman, I ran into dudes like this in high school. So by the time I was 18 I knew how to avoid getting 'turned out'. And again, sexual attention does not equal a relationship.

Everyone knows the black MALE is the most sought after because of our love making performances.

This statement proves my point. Its sad that he reduced the worth of black men to how they get down in the sack. Black men are so much more, but my desire for them has waned because of this same mentality about sex. Any man of any race deserves my time if he treats me with the respect that I deserve, is a man of worth and is serious about looking for a mate. I don't have time for sack-hopping dudes and dudes who 'aren't ready for a relationship'.

And I really hate to say, the black male is not the end-all and be-all of lovemaking performances. Yes SOME of them, ALOT of them are good at the do, but SOME are not.. and black men seem to be overly preoccupied with the sexual prowess of other groups of men. I guess that's because they feel that's their only valuable trait.

Your lack of free love has left you very bitter indeed.

No, my lack of free love has left me free of STDs, unwanted pregnancies and questions about why men haven't called after I let them get the panties.

I myself have made love to women of all races and creeds.

So why is it a problem if I do? Hmmm...

I'm disgusted by your stereotypes and misconceptions.

Trust, the feeling is mutual.

I never understand that. If you don't agree with someone's blog, don't respond unless you regularly read it. Which begs the question of why you regularly read a blog you are disgusted by. Its not like I write what I write for black men. I've noticed this at other blogs. If I don't invite you in, don't take it upon yourself to come into my space and try to impose your will.

"Love is Love" kid. (oh yeah I learned that cliché at my Hbcu)

So again, why disagree with me trying to find love outside my race? If all men are equal, why should I be preoccupied with the black man's lovemaking performances? I notice that he didn't mention anything about black women still being single, about the high female-to-male ration, or how HBCUs encourage cultural vaccuums.

Ladies, love who you want, no matter what race you prefer. I just want us to be loved, cherished, respected, adored and valued for the gems that we are. There's no confusion in that.