What does it mean to settle?

I just read a thread on a discussion board, and it got me to thinking. The thread was started when someone posted this article: Marry Him: The Case For Settling For Mr. Good Enough. To summarize:

What I didn’t realize when I decided, in my 30s, to break up with boyfriends I
might otherwise have ended up marrying, is that while settling seems like an
enormous act of resignation when you’re looking at it from the vantage point of
a single person, once you take the plunge and do it, you’ll probably be
relatively content. It sounds obvious now, but I didn’t fully appreciate back
then that what makes for a good marriage isn’t necessarily what makes for a good
romantic relationship. Once you’re married, it’s not about whom you want to go
on vacation with; it’s about whom you want to run a household with. Marriage
isn’t a passion-fest; it’s more like a partnership formed to run a very small,
mundane, and often boring nonprofit business. And I mean this in a good way.

I really feel what the author wrote. In an age where we grew up with the fantasy of being swept away by Prince Charming, I totally understand her point. And, in a lot of ways, women in my age group have unrealistic expectations of what marriage should be and the criteria used to evaluate a man for marriage potential.

But, at the same time, I can't help but feel that the author doesn't feel our pain. For the 45% or so of black women who have never been married, we're not, for the most part, sitting around saying "Craig was a nice guy, but he doesn't like to read or travel, so I can't get with him." Most of us are hoping that, even though we gave Craig a chance, and he won't go on yearly vacay, he'll still find us worthy to marry. Is the dating world really that different for single white women? Maybe it was 10 years ago, when the author was around my age. But some of my friends of other ethnicities are facing something similar to what I'm facing. We don't have as much choice of settling for a husband, because a lot of men aren't looking for wives. Or, for that matter, serious commitment. That may be a result of growing up in the 'me' generation.. or maybe, like the author points out, we're using dating criteria to choose mates for marriage.

Now I was nodding my head and agreeing with most of the logic of the article, until I got to this part:

“By the time she turns 37,” Chris said confidently, “she’ll come back. And I’ll bet she’ll marry me then. I know she wants to have kids.” I asked Chris why he would want to be with a woman who wasn’t in love with him. Wouldn’t he be settling, too, by marrying someone who would be using him to have a family? Chris didn’t see it that way at all. “She’ll be settling,” Chris said cheerfully. “But not me. I get to marry the woman of my dreams. That’s not settling. That’s the fantasy.”

You guys know it sticks in my craw when black women are told to settle for janitors or garbagemen. While the man gets the woman of his dreams, what do we get? The author points out that the man of your dreams doesn't exist because you dreamt him up; but is it really too much to ask, to hope for a man who intellectually stimulates you? I too think passion is overrated and even leads to bad relationship decisions. But what about standing up for what you want? Granted, those wants have to be realistic.. we all aren't going to meet Mr. Tall-Dark-and-Handsome who drives a BMW and can bring you to the height of ecstacy. But why settle for someone you're not attracted to, not on the same socioeconomic level, not much in common with?

The author justifies her stance on settling:

This doesn’t undermine my case for settling. Instead, it supports my argument to do it young, when settling involves constructing a family environment with a perfectly acceptable man who may not trip your romantic trigger—as opposed to doing it older, when settling involves selling your very soul in exchange for damaged goods.

And this I definitely agree with. But I guess I need to really think about what it means to settle. To me, settling is being with someone who doesn't treat you well simply because you've already been together a long time. Or, settling is choosing someone simply to not be alone - regardless of how you actually feel about that person, and the assets (or lack thereof) that he brings to the table. I guess I feel so strongly against settling because my parents' marriage was one of convenience and they had very little in common, in terms of goals, outlook on life, and temperament. But at the same time, I have no illusions of a grand romantic adventure. I simply seek a partner who has the same vision for economic stability that I do, who is honest and family-oriented. Maybe I'm just at that age where I'm not ready to settle (per the author's definition), but I can't do it. And, ironically, neither can she.